300 Anime Characters
by King of Eli
Summary: It's the sane against the insane in this fanfic, a crossover loosely inspired by the movie 300. A large force of anime weeaboos and their characters are invading the anime universe. Rating may go up. CRACK! Full summary inside.
1. Prologue

_Plot: _It's the sane against the insane in 300 Anime Characters, a crossover fanfic loosely inspired by the movie 300. A large force of anime weeaboos and their Mary Sue/Gary Stu characters are invading the anime universe, and a few of the "sane" fans team up with the anime characters to fight off the insane weeaboos and the Mary Sues/Gary Stues. Fueled purely by crack and the blood of Mary Sues/Gary Stues.

**Prologue**

_You know them well. The bloodsuckers. The things that suck all of the life of the particular fandom they spawned from, and then proceed to suck the life out of the people in the fandom. They make the fandom look bad. They write awful fanfictions with words like "kawaii desu ne" and awful use of the Japanese language. They make babies cry. They make your eyes bleed. Yes, we all know them. The weeaboos. The insane fans. The Mary Sues/Gary Stues. We hate them. So do you. And they know it, boy do they know it!_

_Unfortunately, things have taken a turn for the worse for us. These bloodsuckers have decided to team up together in their huge forces to try and take us, the normal fans down. Well, we're not going to let them._

_I'm writing this letter to you, loyal person. It's time for you to step up and fight to protect the Sane Republic of Anime, and keep us from being taken over by them. It's time for you to take a stand._

_Sincerely,_

_Liz._

Running his hand over the page, the white-haired boy frowned in displeasure. "Well, better tell the rest of the guys about this."


	2. An Allegiance Is Formed!

**Chapter One: An Allegiance Is Formed! A Long Road Ahead Of Us?**

"Maka." The white haired boy from our prologue, Soul "Eater" Evans, was busy prodding his human partner Maka in the face with his finger, attempting to wake her up. That girl was seriously a heavy sleeper though, and he was having no luck. "Maka, wake up." The girl just yawned and batted his hand away, rolling over onto her stomach.

Deciding to take a more proactive approach, Soul jumped onto the bed, jumping up and down while yelling "Wake up!" Rather loudly. Despite his display, Maka did little more than throw the book on her bedside table unconsciously at him, causing the weapon boy to fall off of the bed.

"Ow," he muttered, rubbing at his (now dented) white hair, before frowning and standing up. "Time to bring out the big guns." For a moment, the boy ran out of the room, before running back with a megaphone in his hand. Straddling his partner's sleeping form rather strangely, he loudly screamed, "MAKA! WAKE THE HELL UP!" into the megaphone, right into her face, causing her to suddenly jump up in the air, throwing Soul into a nearby wall and causing herself to fall right onto the floor.

"Soul!" She exclaimed, turning on the lamp beside her bedside and looking over at the downed weapon. "What was that for!"

"I needed to wake you up," Soul replied after he'd removed his head from the wall. "I got an extremely important message from an unknown source."

"It'd better be important," Maka muttered, rising from her bed. "Or else you're gonna get it!"

"It is important," Soul told her, taking the letter out from his pocket and giving it to her. "Read this." Maka was quiet for a moment, before her eyes widened.

"This is serious!" She exclaimed, looking over at Soul. "I'm going to get dressed out of my pajamas. We need to head down to the meeting place right away, and wait for our commander." Soul nodded in agreement, before leaving the room so Maka could change.

"This is gonna be big," Soul muttered, sitting down in front of the door.

"Bigger than my boobs?" Blair asked, suddenly appearing.

"Yes bigger than your—WHAT THE CRAP BLAIR WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?"

_Meanwhile, at the meeting place..._

"Liz, Patti, there'd better be a damn good reason as to why you dragged me out of my comfy, symmetrical bed and forced me to come to this stupid abandoned warehouse," a very cranky Death the Kid muttered. He wasn't very happy to have been forced to wake up at 5:00 in the morning; he'd much rather wake up at 8, because, you know, that number was perfectly symmetrical. And what better way to start a symmetrical day than wake up on a symmetrical number? But no, his two weapon partners had forced him to awaken at this early hour, saying that they'd been "summoned by a special person."

"Don't worry, you'll find out soon enough that it's extremely important," Liz told Kid, who looked at her strangely.

"You're not turning philosophical on me, are you?" he asked quietly. "Because if you are, then drastic measures are going to have to be taken..."

"No, I was just foreshadowing for future events, but I'm back to normal now," Liz replied, patting her short meister's head. "Look, Kid, we're here!" The trio had finally arrived at a large, abandoned warehouse, with a banner stretched across the top that read;

"SOUL EATER DELEGATES TEMPORARY MEETING PLACE" in large, red letters.

"Why is this place named after Soul?" Kid asked curiously, before Liz grabbed his hand and pulled him into the building before he could start commenting on how utterly asymmetrical it was on the outside.

Inside, there were already many people there. Some of them were students Kid knew, Kilik Rung and his weapon partners, Pot of Fire and Pot of Thunder, and Ox Ford and his weapon partner Harvar de Éclair. There were also some adults, including Sid, the ever-intimidating Yumi Azusa, the very blonde and love struck Marie Mjolnir, and the (somewhat hyperactive) Spirit Albarn. Noticing Soul and Maka standing some ways away, the trio made their way over to their friends.

"Got any idea what's going on here?" Kid asked the two. Soul was busy hiding behind Maka in a very childish way, curled up between her badass longcoat and herself, shivering like a Chihuahua.

"Didn't you get the letter?" he asked, peeking out from her coat. "THEY'RE COMING! WE'RE DOOMED! Doom...doom...doom...doom...doom..." Soul whispered repeatedly, before Maka jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow.

"Quiet you! We're not doomed," Maka muttered, before turning back to Kid. "According to a letter we got from a mysterious person, the weeaboos and their army of what they call "original characters," A.k.a what we call "Mary Sues slash Gary Stues," are coming to attempt to take us over." She stated. "If they do, we'll probably all be put into dumb, stupid pairings with their desperate little puppets and forced to go into bad fanfictions."

"...I don't get it." Kid deadpanned.

"Kid, if they succeed, nothing will ever be symmetrical, ever again."

For a moment, the stripy-haired boy was quiet, before he frowned. "Screw using pistols! This calls for something big! LIZ, PATTI, GET MY GUN BRIEFCASE!" He commanded.

"Yes sir!" The twin pistols replied, before zipping off in a cartoonish puff of dust.

"Gun briefcase?" Soul murmured from Maka's coat. "This must be more serious than I thought."

"You betcha," the Little Demon inside of his head said cheerfully.

"STOP TALKING TO ME!"

_About thirty minutes later..._

When all of the delegates had finally arrived, Professor Franken Stein took his place on top of a broken piece of concrete sitting above all of the others on his Spinny Chair of Doom, Death, and Destruction, or as he so lovingly named it, Susan.

"Welcome, soldiers, to the temporary meeting place of the Soul Eater Delegates," he started to say.

"Soldiers?" Kid muttered, holding his gun briefcase close to his chest. He hadn't quite explained what it did yet, so the others were looking at it curiously, wondering if whatever inside of it was flammable or able to explode.

"You may or may not already know this, but we are in great danger. The army of weeaboos and their little puppets is approaching the "Anime Mid-Way Point". Right now, there are forces out there, soldiers risking their lives to keep them from reaching it. God bless their souls." For a moment, Stein looked up at the roof with teary eyes and one hand over his chest, before turning serious again. "Anyway, that's where we come in. I'm going to take you wimpy lot and turn you into soldiers, ready for battle! Any questions?"

For a moment, everything was silent, before something flew through one of the windows and landed on its feet.

"YAHOO! Sorry I'm late everyone, but the marvelous Black Star has arrived!" The boy took a moment to fluff his fluffy blue hair and "dust" off his clothes, before looking back up at the window. "Yo, Tsubaki, get down here! Stop messin' around!"

"I'm not "messin' around", I'm trying to get down," his weapon partner, Tsubaki murmured, attempting to lower herself from the window in a manner where she wouldn't break all of her bones if she were to fall.

"Nice to see that you could join us, Black Star and Tsubaki," Stein sighed wearily as Tsubaki finally made her way down from the window and ran over to where the others were. "Wait, I still feel like something's missing. Where's Crona? Wasn't he supposed to be here?"

"Already took care of that, Doc," Black Star grinned, before fishing around in his pockets. "Now where did he...hm...day old gum, no, Swiss army knife, no, chocolate, no, assorted sparkly things, no...ah, here we are!" He then proceeded to pull a trembling Crona out from his pocket and drop him rather harshly on the floor.

"Ow! Careful, I bruise like a banana and I don't know how to deal with getting bruises," Crona whimpered, rubbing at his head and standing up. "Oh, hi everyone."

"Well, then, that's everyone on the list," Stein grinned (evilly? oh yes), spinning around on Susan and proceeding to fall off of the cement block he was standing on. After he'd gotten up and recovered, he pointed over to the direction of a large train that had come from the middle of nowhere. "Now, board that train! We've got one more stop to make to pick up some other people, and then we're off to the Anime Crossroads! All aboard!"

"Something tells me this is going to be an eventful time," Maka muttered as Crona clung to her arm, Soul shivered inside of her coat, Patti laughed, Black Star laughed too but way more annoyingly, Tsubaki sighed, Kid muttered about symmetry and Liz put her head in her hands.

They had a loooong fanfiction ahead of them.

[ME: And there you have it, folks, the first chapter and the official beginning of 300 Anime Characters!

GIRIKO: Yeah, yeah, boring, when do I come in?

ME: Later, not now, and that's all you need to know. Now, remember your lines Giri-dear and tell our lovely readers what I told you~

GIRIKO: *sighs heavily* Fine. AND DON'T CALL ME THAT. *puts on his special glasses and clears his throat* Ahem. **REVIEW OR DIE.** Thank you. Now can I take off these silly glasses?

ME: No, I find them appealing. See you in the next chapter, titled **All Aboard the Cuckoo Train! Medusa Causes A Ruckus?**

MEDUSA: Sounds like fun! So it's all about me then?

ME: When did I say that? Review if you want to see Crona hide under stuff. That's all folks!]


	3. All Aboard The Cuckoo Train!

**Chapter Two: All Aboard The Cuckoo Train! Medusa Causes A Ruckus?**

"I've never been on a train before," Maka murmured, looking out the window from where she sat. She could see the beautiful landscape of Nevada speeding past her, and she looked over at Soul. "Isn't it wonderful? ...Soul?"

"I forgot to mention, I have a phobia of trains," Soul whimpered, hiding under the table. The two were sitting in the dining car, and the table was just big enough for him to crawl under. "Siderodromophobia is what it's called."

"Geez, Soul, warn me before you use big words next time," Maka told him, rolling her eyes. "Now get out from under there, you big scardy-cat, there's nothing that's going to hurt you." Soul was obviously displeased, but he crawled out from under the table anyway and sat next to Maka, crossing his arms and frowning.

"The last time I was on a train I had a very...bad experience," Kid sighed, watching as Patti gawked out of the window and Liz did her nails. "I hope we won't have to shoot anyone."

"Trees!" Patti remarked as she looked out of the window. "Trees are green!"

"Man, I'm starving, got any food on this train?" Black Star yawned, sinking low into his seat. "Tsubaki, go get me some food!"

"I'm sure if we wait for just a minute, we'll get some food," Tsubaki told her meister. "There should be some sort of service or something..."

"GIMMIE CANDY LADY," Ragnarok, who'd come out from his hiding place inside Crona's body, demanded to Maka.

"If I said no, will you shut up and go away?" Maka asked, trying oh so very hard not to hit Ragnarok, because if she did she might end up hurting Crona, and Crona was her BFFOREVERPLZ and she didn't want to hurt him.

"No," Ragnarok replied, crossing his little arms and tossing his adorable yet annoying little head. Muttering something under her breath, Maka pulled out some candies from her pocket and gave it to Ragnarok, who squeed with joy and ate them, and then, thankfully, shut up.

"At least Excalibur isn't here," Kid sighed happily. "Then he'd be boring us all with his long and stupid stories about nothing."

"At least my father gets to ride in the adult section of the cars," Maka also sighed happily. "Then I don't have to worry about attempting to avoid him."

"At least Medusa isn't here," Crona also sighed happily for once. "Then I don't have to hide under things."

"I wouldn't say that too quickly," Ragnarok commented. "The authoress told me that—"

SHUT UP RAGNAROK! *book throw* Anyway, the next few minutes of the trip were silent, before they approached another station and the train started to slow down.

"I wonder who we're picking up now," Maka wondered out loud, scrambling over to the other side of the aisle and looking out the window. Looking back on the situation, she was glad she'd just kept her mouth shut, or else there would've been more trouble.

"I don't see why I have to ride in this stupid, cramped, stuffy train with the rest of you, I can drive you know," Giriko growled under his breath as he was pushed forward onto the train by a certain red-haired conductor. And if you don't know him shame on you.

"Stop whining, you vulgar hoodlum," Goo-I mean, Mosquito replied to him, hopping on the train after him since he was so damn short. God, why is he so short? And annoying, and has a long pointy nose—never mind, we're getting off track.

Humming to his music and nodding his head as usual, Justin Law boarded the train after them, completely ignoring everything around him as he did. And then, behind him sauntered...

_Free and Eruka? And Medusa? I swore I killed her though! _Maka thought, then dove under the window to hide her face in case Medusa were to see her.

_Nah, the authoress offered me rejuvenation if I agreed to fight against the weeaboos! She said my magic would come in handy._

_What the? How did you get in my head Medusa?_

_I didn't. This is a fanfiction taking place in Anime Crossroads, anyone can read anyone's thoughts in fanfiction._

_Really? Better not tell that to Soul then._ Maka would've continued the conversation; then she reminded herself she was talking to a witch and stopped talking/thinking. If that's possible.

_Meanwhile, in the adult's car_

"WITCH! WITCH! WITCH!" The adults were busy screaming like children and pointing at Medusa and Eruka, who looked at each other with "pshaw child's play" looks and little smirks on their faces. Free was busy scratching himself behind his ear with his left foot, like any normal person would do, so he wasn't really paying attention to the screaming people.

"Everybody, calm down," the red-haired conductor, Claire yelled over the screaming. "Don't worry, they're supposed to be here."

"Dare I ask why?" Azusa, who'd dove under a tablecloth in surprise asked, poking her head out from under it.

"Don't ask me, the Head General just wanted it to be that way," Claire replied, shrugging his shoulders. "Anyway, if you guys try to kill each other then I'll have to throw you off the train! Says the Head General again. Don't worry, you'll respawn, this is approaching Anime Crossroads territory after all."

"What's respawn mean?" Spirit asked. Nobody bothered to answer him.

The next part of the trip was somewhat quiet, with the two opposing sides sitting on opposite sides of the train and staring intently at each other. Except for Justin. He was too busy dancing to his own music. Finally, somebody had to snap.

"I can't TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Giriko wailed, jumping out of his seat. "Somebody open a window or something! This is crazy! I need air, fresh AIR!" He then proceeded to run around in crazed circles, before Marie whacked him with her hammer.

"Calm yo' tits!" She told him. "It won't be long, according to this cute little pamphlet I got, we should be there pretty soon." Her words did no good, however, seeing how her hit knocked him out cold. Well, she still took care of the problem...

Meanwhile, Stein was having problems of his own.

"Hey there Stein~" Medusa purred, sitting seductively on the table in front of him. "It's been a while."

"What the—? Medusa, get off my table! Why are you looking at me like that? And why are you batting your eyelashes?" The professor, obviously confused and somewhat terrified asked.

"I was wondering if you wanted to, you know, _team up_ with me? You know, to fight weeaboos?" The snake witch leaned in closer, putting her arms around Stein's shoulders. "You know you want to~"

"Hell no woman! The last time we teamed up you almost killed me!"

"Almost."

"Too close for comfort!" He cried. "Spirit, help me out buddy!"

"No can do, Stein," the red-head replied. "There are some things I just won't do."

"Damnit!" Stein cursed, attempting unsuccessfully to get away from the snake witch. "Why do these things happen to meeee?"

"We're here!" A rather loud and obnoxious voice called over the intercom-thingie, or whatever they have in trains, and the locomotive finally came to a screeching stop. "Please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle until it has come to a complete stop, and enjoy your stay at the Anime Crossroads~"

Finally separating himself from Medusa, Stein scrambled to the front of the car as quickly as possible. "The battlefield awaits!" he called, climbing onto Susan. "Onward, troops!"

And so, the battle had begun, but they hadn't even stepped foot onto the battlegrounds yet.

[ME: Well, there's chapter two for you.

CRONA: Nooo, why did you have to bring _her_ back!

ME: Don't worry Crona, I'm sure she'll be much too interested in her "Steiney" to bother you.

STEIN: *from a locked room* HELP! HELP! I NEED AN ADULT!

MEDUSA: Come here Steiney~ You know you want to team up with me!

JUSTIN: This is gonna be more fun than the time I killed a man, but that's a different story for a different time kids.

SOUL: 'Ey, who you callin' a kid?

ME: That's enough you guys! Now, assorted cast, please say your lines.

ALL: **REVIEW OR DIE.**

ME: Thanks guys! On the next installment of 300 Anime Characters; **Become One With Psycho Girl! Liz's Plan For Weeaboo Ass-Kicking?** Watch out, the action's about to start!

GIRIKO: *still k.o'ed* Unicorns...]


	4. Become One With Psycho Girl!

**Chapter Three: Become One With Psycho Girl! Liz's Plan For Weeaboo Ass-Kicking?**

After they'd gotten off of the train, everything became a flurry of activity and gawking. It had to be the most unique place Maka had ever seen. There were many anime shops and stores and little random buildings, fast food chains, and restaurants. There was one hotel that she could see and a few motels outside of the train station, and the station itself had a cute little gift shop that she was dying to check out, but couldn't yet.

"So this is it?" Liz asked, strolling up beside Maka. "The Anime Crossroads?"

"Apparently so," Maka replied. Soul was, thankfully, no longer in her coat but standing on his own beside her in his signature slouching position, looking around disdainfully.

"Looks pretty uncool," he commented, frowning.

"Nothing here tickling your fancy, pretty boy?" Liz asked, and Soul shot a nasty glare at her. "What? You can't exactly deny the fact that you're a—"

"Shut up," Soul growled, crossing his arms and proceeding to pout. Ignoring his pouty face, Maka turned her attention to Professor Stein, who'd taken his place in front of the group on Susan and was preparing to speak.

"Well, as you probably guessed, this is the place, the Anime Crossroads. Now, I know it may look like a nice little tourist town, but you're not to go anywhere yet. We've got business to do, am I clear?" he asked. Since no one offered any resistance, Stein took it as a sign of understanding and grinned. "Good. Well, on to meet the Head General and then go to our hotel rooms. Onward!" With that, he started to roll down the street like a boss on Susan, with the crowd of characters following him.

Eventually, they came to a rather large building. It looked almost like a duplicate of the White House, except it was painted black and had a big red flag flying from it with a picture of the globe and multiple anime titles on it.

"What's this?" Maka asked, running up beside Stein to take a closer look.

"This is the Capital building for Anime Crossroads," Stein replied. "This is where the Head General lives."

"I wanna meet this guy!" Black Star announced, jumping up beside them, Tsubaki in tow. "He must be like, super cool! And powerful! Then I'll beat him in a fight, if that's the case. Nobody's bigger than Black Star!"

"Don't go picking fights already, Black Star," Tsubaki sighed. "Please..."

"He must be very smart," Maka murmured. "And battle-savvy."

"And rich," Soul observed, walking up beside her. "And super cool, from the looks of this place."

"This building is so perfectly symmetrical~" Kid ogled over the building, curling up on the front steps and "hugging" it. "The man who made it must have a wonderful sense of balance!"

"Pretty!" Was all Patti had to add to the discussion, and Liz admired the building with wonder.

"Well then, less talking, more moving, let's get going," Stein told the rest of them, temporarily getting off of Susan so that he could drag her (/him/it? i guess it's a her but whatever), up the stairs. Liz and Patti dragged Kid away from his symmetrygasm so that they could get him in through the front door, and the rest of them entered without a problem.

"It's so nice on the inside too!" Maka exclaimed, eyes widening at all of the antique stuff and brightly polished doo-dads on the walls. "Whoever lives here must be a very neat person."

"Or have lots of servants..." Soul muttered, watching as a grey-haired butler walked neatly out of a room, carrying a plate on one arm and walking briskly into another room. After walking through a few hallways, they came to a large door with a piece of paper on it that read; "HEAD GENERAL'S ROOM. DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT KNOCKING." Classy, right? Lifting up his fist, Stein knocked three times and waited a few seconds, before a black haired, stormy-eyed boy with glasses opened the door.

"Hey Stein," he sighed, yawning and stretching. "Nice day, isn't it?" From behind him, a couch pillow flew by his head and exploded into feathers, and he sighed heavily. "Damnit, Kayla, what did I tell you about exploding pillows?"

"Sorry!" A female voice replied. "It was too tempting!"

"Who's back there?" Soul asked, attempting to peek around the boy.

"Oh, the Head General and her lead lieutenants-slash-Seconds in Command. Come on in, they'll introduce themselves. I'm Jay, the second Second in Command. Nice to meet you all." The boy ushered them in with a hand, and then shut the door behind them. Standing on the bed inside of the room was a tan-skinned, biracial girl with curly black hair and dark brown eyes, a pale skinned girl with slightly curly, short brown hair and hazel eyes, and a shoulder-length brown haired girl with brown eyes. They all turned to look at the newcomers, before the tan-skinned girl grinned and jumped off of the bed.

"Sorry, we were just having an impromptu pillow fight before you walked in!" The girl announced. "As you're probably wondering, yes, I am the Head General. My name is Liz. I have many nicknames, but you can call me either Liz or Psycho."

"She's got your name, sis!" Patti whispered to Liz.

"Shh, be quiet for a second," Liz told Patti, gently elbowing her in the arm.

"These two girls over here are my close friends and Seconds in Command. The short one—"

"Hey!"

"Is Kayla, and the taller one is Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin, but you can call her Yuki."

"What does the D. stand for?" Patti asked Yuki, who shrugged.

"Dunno. I guess." She replied.

"So the great Head General is just a stupid _girl_? Pshaw! This can't be right!" Black Star announced. Turning her head towards him, Liz's right eye started to twitch. Then, she proceeded to show them why her nickname was Psycho. Walking over to the blue-haired boy, she picked him up by the front of the shirt and stared deep into his eyes.

"Listen, _little boy_, if you would ever like to be able to have children when you get older, you will _never_ say that again. Capeesh?" Black Star was definitely not a boy to be easily frightened, but he nodded quickly at her words, and she dropped him onto the floor. "Good. Now that we've got that straightened out...I trust that you've already heard about your mission from Stein?" The kids, also somewhat frightened, nodded. "Well, then, in that case, there's not much I have to tell you. You're free to lounge around until tomorrow; that's when your real training will begin. Have fun now!"

After they left (Tsubaki carrying the now mentally scarred Black Star in her arms), the weapons and meister's all looked at each other curiously.

"You know, if this is what the sane fans are like," Soul started to say. "I'm not sure I want to meet the insane fans." Maka and the others nodded in silent agreement.

"I don't think I can deal with this!"

"SHUT UP, YA PANSY, AND SOMEONE GIMMIE CANDY!"

"No, Ragnarok, no!"

[ME: Ah, what an interesting chapter.

YUKI: I'm glad that I finally got introduced!

KAYLA: I'd rather be reading.

JAY: I'd rather be somewhere cold. Like Rhode Island.

ME: Shut up, you. Now, everyone, say your lines~

ALL: **REVIEW OR DIE.**

ME: Good! On the next chapter, **Hotel Room Drama! Spirit Watches Animal Planet? **Featuring appearances by more of the Anime Army!

LADD: Does that mean I get to shoot a bitch?

ME: Not yet, Russo, not yet. Review if you want to see Ladd shoot a bitch!]


	5. Hotel Room Drama!

**Chapter Four: ****Hotel Room Drama! Spirit Watches Animal Planet?**

Just when they thought that there couldn't be any more drama that day, our poor Meisters and Weapons discovered that there was still drama to be lived. When they arrived at their hotel, they discovered that a ruckus was being caused downstairs. Standing on top of the table in the lobby was a terrifying male lion, eating at a sandwich someone had left there, completely oblivious to the screaming people around him.

"Matthew!" A boy's voice called. "Get down from there! Bad boy!" Looking up from his snack, the cat let out a soft groan of disapproval, before jumping down from the table and padding over to the boy. He had tanned skin, much like Liz, and wore a hoodie with the hood pulled over the top of his head and a red mask over his eyes.

"Should we attack it?" Soul asked, inching closer to Maka. It wasn't clear as to if he was doing it so he'd be closer in case they had to attack, or if he was just scared of the big cat.

"No, it looks like that boy's got it under control," Maka replied, watching as a tall, pale-skinned man with slicked-back black hair approached the boy.

"I believe that part of the contract on allowing you to keep this...creature here was that you'd keep him under control no matter what, correct, Kudret Karpusi-Annan?" The man asked, pushing his glasses up with a strange stick-thing that looked like a gardening tool.

"I'm sorry Will," the boy murmured, stroking the lion's head. "I opened the door and he ran out..."

"I hope you know, I don't believe that," Will (or so his name was, it appeared) muttered, before sighing. "Seriously. That cat almost caused more overtime for me..." With those words, the dark haired man walked away, and the tan-skinned boy caught sight of the newcomers.

"Sorry about that," he apologized to them. "Mattie gets out of hand sometimes...it's not his fault, he must've been bored with that stupid old room he has to stay in." Walking over to them, the boy held out his hand. "My name's Kudret, but you can call me K.T. Everybody else does." Taking his hand, Maka shook it.

"It's alright. My name's Maka Albarn, I'm a one-star Scythe meister at the DWMA." She smiled brightly at the newcomer. It was actually one of the first times she really smiled in this fanfic, besides the time when she was talking about her father not being on the train with her.

"Li – I mean the Head General's been talking a lot about you guys," K.T. muttered, frowning when he spoke of the Head General. "I fear for your safety."

"And why's that?" Soul asked. "I thought she was supposed to be sane."

"When she says sane, it's good to know that she means _not-weeaboo-insane_, not completely sane by society's standards," K.T. pointed out. "She's not actually sane. She's a devil woman, that's what she is! If I were you, I'd try to stay as far away as you possibly can from her, to avoid absorbing her devil wavelength."

For a moment, the two of them were quiet, before they just shrugged. "We were planning on doing that anyway." Maka told him reassuringly. "So um...would you mind taking us to our room?"

"Of course!" K.T. replied. "Just follow me, I'll show you the way!"

_Meanwhile, in the Adult's Suite..._

"This place is awesome!" Spirit announced upon their arrival to the Adult's Suite. Indeed, it was pretty awesome; it took up a whole floor of the hotel and had lush, soft carpeting, multiple bedrooms with flat-screen T.V's, windows, outside patios, a hanging garden, chandeliers, a dining room, giant refrigerators, a huge kitchen, and soft beds with velvet pillows and heated blankets. _Heated blankets_ guys. This place was no joke.

"Too nice for my liking," Stein frowned, sitting on one of the super-soft couches. He then proceeded to get stuck in the soft cushions. Since he was too cool for that shit, Stein decided not to ask for help and instead just sit there, cross his arms and pout like a six year old girl. "It needs some stitches or something, and an examination table, and vials and beakers...hell, it needs a laboratory or something."

"I will not have you messing up my living space with your experiments," Azusa told him matter-of-factly as she fixed a painting on the wall. Stein started to mock her with the ever-mature "talking hand" sign, before she turned around and he stopped abruptly. After giving him the "piercing glare of doom", she was pulled away by Marie, who wanted her to see something cute in the bathroom.

After sitting there for a while because he was stuck and there was nothing else to do, Spirit finally came along and took his place on the couch beside him, turning on the T.V. to Animal Planet.

"Aww, come on, Spirit, why can't we watch something cool?" Stein complained. "Like, Discovery Health channel or Investigation Discovery...or Dr. G. Medical Examiner?"

"You only like her 'cause she cuts stuff up," Spirit replied. "And has nice hair. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch this episode of Pit Bulls and Parolees that I've been waiting for since last Tuesday." And so, Stein was forced to sit through Spirit gawking over how totally cute the pit bulls (and the girls) were on the T.V., while he just sighed and wondered why he'd come to this God-forsaken place anyway.

Little did either of them know, things were about to get very interesting.

[ME: Hurrah for short chapters! Sorry this one was so tiny guys, I didn't have a lot of motivation. The next one will be better—

MATT: 'Cause I'm in it, right?

ME: Well that's not why...

HEATHCLIFF: 'Cause I'm in it?

ME: What the? NO, get out of my comments section! You're not here yet! Get back to your own fanfiction! Shoo! *shoos him away* Well, now that that's over...say your line, Matt.

MATT: I still think Mello could have said it better.

ME: Shut up!

MATT: Fine, fine. **REVIEW OR DIE.**

ME: Thanks. On the next chapter, **Meeting The Army! We're The Untrainables? **It's looking like Maka might have a tough time in the army...

SPIRIT: Not my little girl! Be brave, Maka!

ME: Review if you want to see Spirit glomp Maka.]


	6. Meeting The Army!

**Chapter Five: Meeting The Army! We're The Untrainables?**

The next morning, Maka woke early to her alarm clock going off and a reddish furred Coydog* sitting on her stomach.

"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty, it's time for training!" The dog announced, before jumping off of her bed.

"W-what? A talking dog!" She cried, sitting up and rubbing at her eyes. "I mean, Blair was one thing and now—"

"God damnit Dallas, what did I tell you about doing that before introducing yourself first?" A golden-striped tora-ge* cat hissed at the dog, swatting at it with a sheathed paw.

"Sorry, but the reactions I get are always so hilarious," the dog laughed. "It makes up for the sadness I feel at being turned into a dog."

"Who are you?" Maka asked, scooting to the far edge of her bed. "And what are you doing in my room?"

"My apologies, my _partner_ over here doesn't know how to properly conduct himself when around company," the cat growled, motioning to the reddish-furred dog. "My name is Luck Gandor, and the dog is Dallas Genoard. We _were_ human, as of yesterday, but we accidentally got turned into animals thanks to Arthur. Li – the Head General sent us here to oversee your training. All of the kids who came with you also got their own little overseers."

Yawning, Maka scooted a little closer to the cat, who'd made himself comfortable on the other edge of her bed. "Oh, well, that clears things up a bit. You're actually kind of cute, now that I can see you better, and fluffy~"

"Hey, hey, _hey_, Gandors aren't cute," Luck protested as Maka held him up and proceeded to cuddle him. "I'm the leader of a Mafia, thank you very much!"

"I feel neglected," Dallas muttered from the other side of the room. Nobody bothered to reply to his statement, which only made him feel more neglected.

"I wasn't lying about your training part, by the way." The cat finally told her when he was able to get away. "Everyone else is already down in the training area."

"_Everyone?_" Maka asked, jumping up. "E-even Soul?"

"Yeah, even Soul," Luck replied, rolling onto his back. "He said something about Black Star owing him fifty bucks now."

"Aww, come on," the blonde-haired girl whined, before she finally got out of bed. "How long do I have before training starts?"

"About..." Glancing over to the clock, Luck looked back to Maka. "Ten minutes."

"...WHAA?"

So, after quickly getting dressed, doing her hair and brushing her teeth (no time for a shower, but enough time for basic hygiene), Maka quickly ran down to the training area, Luck and Dallas tailing her the whole way. Finally, she arrived, only a few moments before their "trainer" Stein appeared, sitting on Susan, of course.

"So I see you finally made it," Soul laughed as Maka approached, leaning over and panting. She looked up at him with angry eyes, before Maka Chop-ing him into the ground.

"Shut up, Soul," she muttered angrily. "You could have at least woke me up when you did!"

Rubbing at his (now damaged and sore) head, Soul frowned up at her before standing up. "Eh. S'not my fault you didn't wake up in time."

"Well, since it appears that we're all here now," Stein started to say, glancing over in Maka's direction, causing the scythe meister to cringe, "We can start the lesson. As you know, we're going to be going up against people who...aren't normal. These Mary-Sues have insane powers given to them by their weeaboo owners, such as mind controlling, fire breathing and other things. So, if you fought with your normal weapon partners, you'd probably be killed."

"What are they, dragons?" Black Star whispered to Tsubaki, who shrugged.

"So, we're going to give you these special weapons." With those words, he proceeded to give all of the students what looked like Wii remotes.

"Pardon my French," Kid muttered. "But...what the fuck, Stein?"

"I know what you may be thinking," Stein started to say, "But these aren't normal Wii remotes. They can change into whatever the person wielding them wants it to be, kind of like Brew, as long as its within reason—"

"Can it turn into a Tsar Cannon?" A random student asked excitedly.

"Uhm...no, I don't think so. Even if it could, I don't think you'd be able to use it," the professor answered, nervously scratching at his head. "Now, be careful, as you could easily hurt someone with this if not—"

"Hey, Soul, look at me!" Black Star announced, holding his Wii-remote-now-turned-AK-47 and firing a Death Circle in a random corner of the clearing they were standing in. All of the kids took cover, and Stein's eye started to twitch.

"Black Star, that's an inappropriate use for your weapon!" Stein shouted at him. It did no good, however, because the rest of the students decided to follow after Black Star's lead and started messing around with their Wii weapons. Even Kid. All of them except Maka, of course, because she was a goody two-shoes. Maka turned hers into a book and was quietly reading it while everyone else messed around.

After he'd finally gotten the situation under control, Stein angrily held Black Star up by his ankles, where he proceeded to laugh and swing back and forth.

"Thanks to your little _friend_ here, you'll be spending the rest of the day doing this." With those words, Stein dropped Black Star and climbed to the top of the tallest tree in the clearing, proceeded to tie a spork to the top and then climb back down. "Attempting to get that spork."

"That'll be easy," Soul grinned. "We'll just climb up the way you did and then climb back down."

"Wait, I haven't told you the rules yet," Stein proceeded to say. "You can't use any of the branches. And you have to climb it with these fifty pound weights tied to your waist."

"No way!" All of the kids exclaimed at the same time.

"Yes way," Stein replied. "Thank Black Star for that."

"I don't see why you gotta make it so complicated," the blue-haired boy huffed as the other kids glared angrily at him. "Hey, you guys joined in too!"

"Are you on your period, Professor Stein?" Patti asked. "'Cause my big sis does that when she's on her period and—"

"Men don't get periods, Patti!" Liz and Stein exclaimed at the same time.

"And don't talk about my personal stuff like that!" Liz growled at her.

"Shut up and _climb the damn tree_!"

Something told Maka this was _not_ going to be a good time for training.

So, true to what he said, the kids spent the rest of the way attempting to climb up the tree and grab the spork. All of them failed, even Black Star, and that didn't sit well with him at all. Eventually, all of the tired, cranky students returned back to their hotel. But, interesting things were still to come.

**Omake! Omake!**

"So Stein," Spirit asked Stein when they got home. "I have to ask you an extremely important question."

"_What_?" the extremely pissed-off professor asked.

"Are you on your period?"

"...GET THE HELL OUT SPIRIT!"

"But I live here too!"

"I SAID OUT!"

[ME: Well, there's the extremely eventful chapter five.

STEIN: Seriously, men don't get periods. I mean sheesh I'd think everyone would know this.

MEDUSA: This is Spirit and Patti we're talking about.

STEIN: Gah! When did she get here!

LUCK: I'm a _cat._ Can I go home now?

ME: No, you have to say your line first!

LUCK: Whatever. Then can I go home? I've still got "Bones" on pause.

ME: Everyone, say your line.

ALL: **REVIEW OR DIE.**

ME: Thanks guys! In the next chapter, **The Countries Have Arrived! A Bigger Star Than Black Star?** Looks like Black Star's gonna have some competition...

BLACK STAR: Me? Never, nobody can outshine me!

ME: Review if you want to see more of pissy Stein on his period.

STEIN: _MEN DON'T GET PERIODS!_]

[[***Coydog: a mix between a coyote and a dog**

***tora-ge: a special type of markings normally found on an Akita. Includes a solid back color with white markings on the muzzle, throat, chest, stomach, legs, tail, and two white circles above the eyes. Usually has stripes. Luck himself has a curled tail in this form due to a genetic malfunction that causes the tail to curl and get large and fluffy, resembling that of an Akita's or a husky.**]]


	7. The Countries Have Arrived!

**The Countries Have Arrived! A Bigger Star Than Black Star?**

The next morning, a still tired and sore Maka awoke again to the ringing tone of her alarm clock. Shutting it off, Maka felt something shift next to her and turned her head in alarm, until she noticed it was only Dallas curled up next to her, with Luck sprawled awkwardly across his head. Grinning, she gave the cat and dog a little pat before getting up and dressing, in her closet of course, in case either of them woke up. They may have been animals at the moment, but that didn't change the fact that they were once men.

Once she'd gotten dressed and brushed her teeth, Maka made her way down to the lobby of the hotel, where someone was causing quite a ruckus. Naturally, that someone was Black Star.

"So, I heard a rumor from Soul that someone was coming here today who claimed he was more "awesome" than _me_, the amazing Black Star! So, of course, I'll have to kill him!"

"Is that really necessary?" An alarmed K.T. asked, poking his head out from where he was currently stationed under a dining table. "I mean, you could just settle it like I would, with some crack jokes and discussion –"

"All competitors must be killed!" Black Star yelled, cutting him off. "That includes whoever this guy is!"

"You said you were going to kill me," Kid pointed out, looking up from filing his nails for a moment. "I'm still here."

"Don't push your luck, reaper," Black Star warned. "Anyway, they should be arriving any minute now!" Not five seconds after those words left his mouth, the main door flung open, squashing poor bellhops and employees to the wall as a large group of people walked in.

"Never fear, guys, the hero is here!" The one in the lead announced, before letting out a loud and obnoxious string of laughter.

"Is that the guy?" Maka asked, sitting down in a chair. Soul was eagerly watching the scene, waiting for something cool to happen, probably.

"No, he doesn't fit the description I got from Li – I mean the Head General," Black Star replied, then shivered at her name. "She scares me so much..."

"Hello fellow mortals, your shipment of _awesome _has arrived!" A white haired, red eyed man walked in through the doors, and Black Star perked up.

"There he is! Is that it, Soul?" Black Star asked the albino scythe sitting nearby. He nodded carefully.

"That's him. The one who claimed he was awesomer than you," Soul replied. "Go get him, boy!" With those words, he let go of the leash he'd been holding that was connected to Black Star's waist and let the blue-haired ball of energy run off like an excited puppy.

"How long has that leash been connected?" Maka asked curiously.

"Since last night, at 3:00 in the morning when I found him sleeping on our couch and the window propped open," Soul replied. "No big deal."

Just as Black Star was approaching his target, Tsubaki jumped in front of him and attempted to stop the smaller boy.

"Black Star, you don't have to settle it this way!" she cried. "Think of your choices!"

"This is the only way!" The boy insisted, before he (and the protesting Tsubaki) ran straight into the guy Black Star was supposed to be fighting.

"Hey, watch where you're going shortie," the albino huffed, and Black Star started to twitch.

"Shortie?" He echoed. "Shortie? _SHORTIE?_ Why, I, oughtta!" As the boy was rolling up his sleeves and starting to attack, there was a distraction from the entrance.

"Ladies and Gentleman, your captain Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin is addressing you!" A loud, feminine voice commanded. All of the heads turned to face the brown-haired girl from the other day standing there, decked out in a full pirate outfit. "May I introduce to you; the Capricorn pirates!" She then stepped aside to reveal a large group of what appeared to be a somewhat misfit band of pirates, like her, and Black Star frowned.

"They don't look like real pirates to me..." Black Star muttered, and Tsubaki hurriedly shushed him.

"Come on, try not to get in too much trouble anymore today..." she muttered. "Just listen to the pirate general."

"That girl over there is my first mate and sister, Molly O'Flannigan," Yuki-Rin was saying, pointing to a black-haired girl with blue eyes. "The boy standing next to her is Hatori Chidori, the fisherman." A blue haired, black eyed boy wearing rectangular glasses waved from beside the girl, who they supposed was Molly. "The other boy standing behind him is Heathcliffe Sarutobi, and the girl next to him is Aki Chung-Feng." A black haired, black eyed boy yawned from beside a Chinese-looking girl, who waved shyly.

"Also, don't mind the floating girl over Heathcliffe's head, her name is Isabella and she's our resident ghost. The guy standing over there with the two chicks on his arms is Kartik Abingdon, and the chicks are Karin Kotetsu and Matsu Takeshima." A man with purple hair, black eyes, and rectangular glasses stood, looking embarrassed in a corner, with an orange haired, black eyed woman with glasses clinging to one arm and a black haired, blue eyed woman clinging to the other.

"The little girl over there is Maki-chan, and the girl wearing sunglasses next to her is blind Drusilla. The albino standing behind them is Z.G." A little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes waved carefully, a taller blonde stood next to her, looking bored, and an albino stood behind them, watching the crowd carefully.

"The girl over there is Hana Yakushi, and the boy and lady standing behind her are Daisuke Saburo and Yulia Tadase." A green haired, green eyed boy scratched almost nervously at his head and grinned, a black haired, brown eyed girl wearing big, round glasses waved in a friendly manner, and a red haired, blue eyed girl just crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

"The boy who's currently tripping over his shoelaces is Sebastian Hozuki." A brown haired, black eyed boy turned at the sound of her voice and, as if on cue, fell into a glass vase, causing it to fall on the ground and shatter into a million pieces.

"The two guys standing over there are Holden and Soren Sarutobi, Heathcliffe's older brothers." A black haired boy with partially blue hair and black eyes grinned and waved, and a blonde haired, blue eyed boy stood beside him, leisurely leaning up against the wall.

"The girl and guy standing over there are Mina Nishikori and Kaoru Kimura. They're vampires, but don't worry, they're not gay Twilight vampires." A brown haired, black eyed girl and a silver haired, red eyed man looked almost offended at the gay vampire statement, but then they realized what she was saying and waved.

"The boy standing over there with the pigeon on his shoulder is Showtarou Shinohara, and the pigeon's name is Ajax." The pigeon gave a soft coo, and the purple haired, black eyed boy gave a half-assed wave.

"The woman standing over there is Ageha Midori, she's a doctor everyone, so she's super smart." A blonde haired, blue eyed woman smiled and waved and blushed a little at the compliment.

"The guy standing behind her attempting to hide a bottle of whiskey behind his back is Thierry Brighton." A green haired, golden eyed man grumbled as he shifted uncomfortably, holding his hands behind his back.

"The girl standing beside him is Akari Shimura." A blue haired, blue eyed girl waved shyly at the crowd.

"The guy standing in the corner is Gareth Archer, he's standing over there due to bad behavior. He misused his Wii remote too, guys." A blue haired, black eyed boy grumbled and huffed, turning to face the corner he was standing in.

"The boy standing over there is Dewey Kirihana, and the cat sitting on his shoulder is Alec. Don't be fooled by Alec's cuteness, he's a cat, and cat's are inherently evil. Also, he can talk!" A blonde haired, blue eyed boy waved, and the cat on his shoulder meowed and cuddled into his neck.

"The two guys currently engaged in hand to hand combat are Enlai Li and Wolfgang Katsuragi. Don't mind them, they just hate each other." True to her word, a blonde haired, blue eyed, glasses wearing man and a dark brown haired, black eyed man were busy fighting on the other side of the room. "And...that's it, I think..." the girl murmured, looking at her roll call. "Wait, where's Kazuma?"

As if on cue, a dirty blonde haired, blue eyed boy crashed in through the window, before falling right on top of the girl in a rather strange fashion.

"I'm here," he announced. "Miss me?"

"Get off!" Yuki coughed, and Kazuma just shrugged as he rolled off of the smaller girl.

Upon hearing that she'd finished, Black Star (who'd fallen asleep during the speech) woke up quickly and brushed himself off.

"Great, now that the pirate chick's done talking, let's get down to business!" He declared. Then, he proceeded to attempt to beat up Prussia, the albino he'd smacked into about twenty minutes ago, when the speech began.

Needless to say, when the fight was over, Black Star lie in a crumpled heap underneath the table, and the satisfied Prussian was walking away, laughing, with France and Spain at his sides.

"Not fair," Black Star whined, and Maka, Soul, and Tsubaki let out a collected sigh.

Things just kept getting more and more eventful.

[ME: Oh dear Jesus, lord, what have I done here...yeah, yeah, I know, boring chapter, but hey. At least something happened, right? The next chapter will be better, I promise...

KID: It'd better be, I've done nothing but sit around for like, the last three chapters!

GIRIKO: I was only mentioned once!

ME: Don't worry you two, you'll get your chance in the next chapter. Now, say your lines...

ALL: **REVIEW OR DIE.**

ME: Thanks guys. On the next chapter, **Perfect Is Me! Musical Fever Has Infected The Mission? **You may just see the bad guys next...

MARY SUE NUMBER ONE: Muahahaha!

ME: EWW KILL IT KILL IT!]


	8. Perfect is Me! Part one

**Perfect Is Me! Musical Fever Has Infected The Mission?**

_0800 hours, at the Mary Sue headquarters..._

"Man that lousy General, I won't be able to sit for a week," a loud, feminine voice exclaimed from where she stood in the large, underground cave. The voice belonged to one of the Mary Sues, her full name being Aerxes A'alona Haviland, but she was affectionately known as "Mary Sue Number One". She had long, waist-length pink hair, pale skin without any unsightly blemishes or pimples. She was also a busty beauty, naturally, and also happened to be a demon princess. But that's not pertinent information.

Beside her, an acne-riddled teenage girl stood, her greasy black hair partially dyed blue, her watery brown eyes enlarged by large glasses. She smacked the Mary Sue with a rolled up newspaper, frowning. This girl happened to be one of the Weeaboos, Carmela Nixon, who also happened to be the Weeaboo leader's right-hand...man. Girl. Man. Whatever, it didn't really make any kind of difference.

"Quiet," she snapped at the Mary Sue. This Sue had been her creation since fifth grade, and she was known to smack her quite often. "Just wait until the Leader hears about your unfortunate failure. Honestly, I thought you'd be able to push through their forces."

"They're stronger than you think," Mary Sue Number One told Carmela, rubbing at her head. "And it's not all my fault! Destiny was involved in this too." As if on cue, a large sparklewolf zoomed out from the roof of the cave, flapping giant rainbow-colored wings. The wolf went over to Mary Sue Number One and Carmela, wagging her tail and staring at them with both eyes pointed in different directions.

"She'll get what's coming to her," Carmela stated, kicking at the sparklewolf. "You know, if it weren't for those "sane" fans, we'd be running this joint."

"Man, I hate the Regulars," Mary Sue Number One muttered, crossing her arms.

"They're so pushy."

"And hairy."

"And stinky."

"And man are they, uuugly!" The two of them said at the same time, before they burst out into laughter.

"Couldn't have said it better myself," a cool voice said, and both Mary Sue Number One and Carmela turned to see the voice. It was none other than Invert, the leader of the Weeaboo army and, basically, the embodiment of all that was evil and terrible about Weeaboos. She wore a long purple cloak, and had hair and eyes that changed colors depending on her mood. As of now, they were both at a cool blue color. "I see that you have failed, Aerxes?" The Sue rubbed wearily at her head, and Invert sighed and held out a bag of McDonalds. "I don't know if you two really deserve this. I practically gift-wrapped those soldiers for you, and you couldn't even dispose of them." The three of them (including Destiny) started salivating, and Invert dropped the bag down to them. It didn't take long for them to tear the bag open and start to eat what it contained.

"Well you know, it's not like they were _alone_, Invert," Carmela stated with her mouth full of McNuggets.

"Yeah, what were we supposed to do," Mary Sue Number One said, swallowing a french fry. "Kill the General?"

Her hair and eyes now changing to a sinister yellow-orange, Invert grinned. "Precisely."

**BE PREPARED**

{The three pause from eating and look up at Invert questioningly.} {Three-top flutter to coincide with Invert's leaps down to the Hyenas.} {Invert walks calmly through sheets of flame and gas into the camera over the opening bit of the song} Invert: {Full song} {Invert paces slowly around Destiny, who is chewing on the remnants of the box of McNuggets} I know that your powers of retention Are as wet as a warthog's backside But thick as you are, pay attention {She angrily swats the bone away; Destiny comes to abrupt attention} My words are a matter of pride It's clear from your vacant expressions The lights are not all on upstairs {Waving her hand in front of Destiny's blank eyes to make her point; Destiny's tongue lolls out} But we're talking Generals and successions Even you can't be caught unawares {Carmela and Sue are laughing on a ledge behind her; on "you," Invert turns and leaps at them, throwing them backward onto a pair of geysers, which then erupt, throwing the two into the air.} {In the next verse, Invert is strutting theatrically along a ledge which runs around back to the floor.} So prepare for a chance of a lifetime Be prepared for sensational news A shining new era Is tiptoeing nearer Carmela: And where do we feature? Invert: {Grabbing Carmela's cheek} Just listen to teacher {Carmela rubs her cheek, which is now bruised red} I know it sounds sordid But you'll be rewarded When at last I am given my dues And injustice deliciously squared {Invert leaps up beside Destiny, who is again chewing on the box, and here kicks her off the ledge} Be prepared! {The three land in a pile of bones and are submerged; they reappear, each with a different horned skull on her head.} {Spoken} Sue: Yeah, Be prepared. Yeah-heh... we'll be prepared, heh. ...For what? Invert: For the death of the General. Sue: Why? Is she sick? {Invert grabs Sue by the throat} Invert: No, fool- we're going to kill her. Her little allies, too. {Dropping Sue back onto the floor} Carmela: Great idea! Who needs a General? Carmela (and then Sue): {Sing-song voices, dancing around Sue} No General! No General! la-la-la-la-laa-laa! Invert: Idiots! There will be a General! Sue: Hey, but you said, uh... Invert: I will be General! ...Stick with me {triumphant, toothy grin}, and you'll never go hungry again! Carmela and Sue: Yaay! All right! Long live the General! {Camera reveals hundreds of more Sues and Weeaboos in the shadows.} All: Long live the General! Long live the General! {Full song again} {Invert's army is goose-stepping across the floor of the cave, now stylized into a Nazi-esque quadrangle} Army: {In tight, crisp phrasing and diction} It's great that we'll soon be connected. With a General who'll be all-time adored. Invert: Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected To take certain duties on board {Motions a slice across the neck} The future is littered with prizes And though I'm the main addressee The point that I must emphasize is {Leaps off her rock throne to single out one hapless Mary Sue} You won't get a sniff without me! {That Mary Sue slips and falls into a fiery crevice} {Throughout the next verse, the entire horde of Mary Sues joins in dancing boisterously, leaping along the tops of rock pillars, shaking animal skeletons in the light, one playing a rib cage/xylophone.} {The paranthetical parts are the Mary Sues' counterpoint singing} So prepare for the coup of the century (Oooh!) Be prepared for the murkiest scam (Oooh... La! La! La!) {rear ends punctuating} Meticulous planning (We'll have food!) Tenacity spanning (Lots of food) Decades of denial (We repeat) Is simply why I'll (Endless meat) Be General undisputed (Aaaaaaah...) Respected, saluted (...aaaaaaah...) And seen for the wonder I am (...aaaaaaah!) Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared (Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) Be prepared! All (Even Destiny, who can be heard growling and snarling an approximation of the lines): Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared Be prepared! {Close with a fill-in and a fade-out. Invert and the Mary Sues are laughing evilly. Drum roll rises to a crash coinciding with the panoramic opening of the next scene.}

* * *

><strong>AN:<strong> Sorry this chapter took so long, but it looks like I'll be updating normally from now on. This chapter will be uploaded in three parts. 


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